@Phil FSTS- Story development
Following the feedback from my OGR I have written out some new possible story ideas, any feedback on things I should change or which one works the better would be great! I will then be able to rewrite my premise, logline and step outline.
1. Daisy walks into the circus tent, looking for her twin sister, Maisie. They talk and Maisie explains how unhappy she is as all she's ever wanted to do is to perform at the circus. She was told that if she got into the circus company, even if it was just cleaning for them to start with, then soon enough she would work her way up and become a star. However that was 5 years ago and nothing has changed. Maisie goes on to explain that she would have a chance, it's just that they can't afford to lose her as a cleaner as they are short staffed. Daisy suddenly suggests that she would be willing to take Maisie's job as the cleaner if that would allow Maisie to perform! (Cut to a few weeks later) It is shown that Maisie is in the circus performance, living out her dream, and Daisy is seen cleaning with the vacuum cleaner happily, knowing that she has been able to make her sister happy.
2. Shown shots of a travelling circus- performances, driving big caravans along straight roads etc. Shots of performance focus in on a girl (Daisy) performing acrobatic routines and tightrope walking. Towards the end of the performance the camera moves and focuses on a unhappy looking girl who looks identical to Daisy- her twin sister Maisie, standing just behind the curtains with a vacuum cleaner waiting to clean up after the performance is over. Cut to Daisy in her dressing room when Maisy walks in to see if there is any rubbish in there. Daisy sees how especially sad Maisie looks and asks her what's wrong. Maisie explains that it's very upsetting to see Daisy living out her dreams every night, when at one time she too had the same dreams. Daisy understands how much this means to Maisie and suggests the idea of them swapping places for a few nights a week. Shots are shown of Daisy teaching Maisie the routines etc. and practising on the tightrope. Cuts to Maisies first performance- she is nervous, but everyone else still thinks she is Daisy. Daisy stands with the cleaning supplies, and waits eagerly to see Maisie perform. Maisie struggles through the performance but looks very pleased with herself. However after the performance Daisy is upset because everyone thinks that she suddenly can't perform well as they all think she was the one that just performed. Maisie begs her to give her one last chance. At the next performance, Maisie is better, but backstage the ringmaster discovers that they have swapped places when he talks to Daisy about Maisie (who he believes is Daisy) not performing as well. Daisy begs him not to ruin it for Maisie as she has never been this happy, but all he says is that he has an idea... Cut to shots of Daisy and Maisie performing together looking very happy and after the performance is over also cleaning up together.
1. Daisy walks into the circus tent, looking for her twin sister, Maisie. They talk and Maisie explains how unhappy she is as all she's ever wanted to do is to perform at the circus. She was told that if she got into the circus company, even if it was just cleaning for them to start with, then soon enough she would work her way up and become a star. However that was 5 years ago and nothing has changed. Maisie goes on to explain that she would have a chance, it's just that they can't afford to lose her as a cleaner as they are short staffed. Daisy suddenly suggests that she would be willing to take Maisie's job as the cleaner if that would allow Maisie to perform! (Cut to a few weeks later) It is shown that Maisie is in the circus performance, living out her dream, and Daisy is seen cleaning with the vacuum cleaner happily, knowing that she has been able to make her sister happy.
2. Shown shots of a travelling circus- performances, driving big caravans along straight roads etc. Shots of performance focus in on a girl (Daisy) performing acrobatic routines and tightrope walking. Towards the end of the performance the camera moves and focuses on a unhappy looking girl who looks identical to Daisy- her twin sister Maisie, standing just behind the curtains with a vacuum cleaner waiting to clean up after the performance is over. Cut to Daisy in her dressing room when Maisy walks in to see if there is any rubbish in there. Daisy sees how especially sad Maisie looks and asks her what's wrong. Maisie explains that it's very upsetting to see Daisy living out her dreams every night, when at one time she too had the same dreams. Daisy understands how much this means to Maisie and suggests the idea of them swapping places for a few nights a week. Shots are shown of Daisy teaching Maisie the routines etc. and practising on the tightrope. Cuts to Maisies first performance- she is nervous, but everyone else still thinks she is Daisy. Daisy stands with the cleaning supplies, and waits eagerly to see Maisie perform. Maisie struggles through the performance but looks very pleased with herself. However after the performance Daisy is upset because everyone thinks that she suddenly can't perform well as they all think she was the one that just performed. Maisie begs her to give her one last chance. At the next performance, Maisie is better, but backstage the ringmaster discovers that they have swapped places when he talks to Daisy about Maisie (who he believes is Daisy) not performing as well. Daisy begs him not to ruin it for Maisie as she has never been this happy, but all he says is that he has an idea... Cut to shots of Daisy and Maisie performing together looking very happy and after the performance is over also cleaning up together.
Hi Em - I think your revised story idea 2 makes best use of your identical twin element. I like the ending wherein they join forces to create a double-act. To me, it doesn't make complete sense they'd both go back to being cleaners - how's this for a tweak...
ReplyDeleteIt seems as if both characters need to feel equal at the end - so might it not be possible that the twins resolve a double-act wherein the other twin's skill with a vacuum-cleaner is part of their act - I don't mean literally exactly, I just mean if you could work something out so the final act is 'better' because they combine their respective experience, I think that would be a satisfying ending...